Truth

I talked to someone today that I haven't talked to in two years. They were asking me questions about what i've done and where i've been. As I was answering these questions honestly, not leaving out the sordid details, this person was apalled. They kept saying that I couldn't possibly be serious about what I had done, because I was not that sort of person. I got to thinking about their reaction and realized that they were right. Two years ago I would have done none of the things that I was describing. SO when did I change so drastically? It stunned me for a moment...and then I broke down and cried. I cried for all the time I wasted being someone that I didn't even know. I cried for putting other people's desires and wants ahead of my morals. I had become what everyone else wanted me to become and not who I truly am. In light of this revelation I have decided that the only solution is to begin to be true to myself. I know that there will need to be sacrifices, some of these being friends, and I will have to unload all of the baggage that I have been carrying that doesn't even have my name on it. Its not easy to look at yourself and realize that the person you have become is the same type of person that you have always ridiculed...a poser. I never really wanted to do some of the things that I have done...but I have no one to blame but myself. Admittedly some of these activities were fun while they lasted...but at what cost to my soul? I am struggling with the facts of my self discovery...and the answers to these problems I have uncovered are so unclear to me. The hardest part of my journey ahead is going to be losing a best friend. I love her unconditionally...but her influence is one that I do not need as I become myself again. I have already put the wheels in motion to delete the last two years of my life, and the weight that I have lifted off my chest already leaves me feeling rejuvenated and hopeful. I'm thinking that this new path I am running towards is going to help solve a lot of the problems that I have been struggling with lately...but there isn't any more to tell at this point. Rest assured that an update will be forthcoming though. Until then...